A Pet Owner's Confession

If you followed me on my Instagram/Facebook you would've know that my pet dog, Hiccup passed away on 17th January 2016. A lot of you asked me what happened to my dog, therefore in short I would like to write it here so that everyone can read. 

What Exactly Happened? 

On 6th January 2016, we brought hiccup over to the vet (not going to mention the clinic) for diarrhea and vomiting incidents. Hiccup recovered from bacteria poison two weeks before that and his condition worsen on the following week. We thought that he was infected by bacteria poison again. 

After some scanning, vet confirmed that hiccup ate Rat Urine Disease in his body causing excess toxins, therefore we were told to let him hospitalize for a couple of days. 

The following day, we received a call from the clinic and they told us that it's something more serious than the case. Vet was suspecting him to have cancer in his pancreas as he had symptoms of it. 

What is Pancreas Cancer? 

Pancreas Cancer is a cheebye cancer that has NO CURE. 

It grows it's cancer cells and block food from digestion causing your beloved pet to vomit everything and also expands the stomach because food is being blocked and cannot be digested.

The cancer cells will also attack all other organs causing them to disfunction. 

Symptoms of Pancreas Cancer includes : 

- Eyes & Body turning Yellow. (by yellow means physically you see is yellow, hiccup's penis and gums turned yellow by the time he was about to pass away)

- Itchiness (hiccup scratch until one bunch of fur dropped!)

- Severe weight loss (Hiccup became 3.9kgs in less than 2 months! Became so skinny!) 

- Vomiting

- Indigestion 

- Loss of appetite 

What Causes Pancreas Cancer? 

- Obesity, intake of too much oily food and usually older breeds will kena. 

(But hiccup was always slim and was only 5years old)

All these symptoms were on hiccup and the vet told us, usually when you see all these symptoms it means the last stage of the cancer. 

We didn't believe it, because we thought it was just poison how can it be cancer out of a sudden? However hiccup was very weak at that point of time, so we did not bring him home as he needs to be dripped. 

On the following day 8th January 2016, I received a call from the clinic and they told me that hiccup's eyes turned more yellow and antibiotics wasn't working on him. They gave is 2 options. 

1) To operate him, and find out what is the cause of it. (This means it is just a discovery surgery, hiccup will not be healed as they do not know what exactly is his problem, the operation success rate was 40/60, with 40% chance of surviving) 

2) Continue to do what they are doing (Antibiotics, force feeding, on Drip) 

At that point of time, I was having the battle within myself. If I choose the wrong choice hiccup will die. 

I did the math and decided not to go for the operation. 

In a desperate attempt, We went to get hiccup discharged from the clinic and headed over to another clinic, to look for specialist.

Specialist took another scanning, and told us the same thing. But he can't confirm whether is it pancreas cancer but he felt the lump(tumor) in his pancreas when he was touching hiccup, he even walk through with us the scanning process and showed us where is the lump, and which part of his body are getting affected. 

Specialist then gave us a few options. 

1) Surgery, same discovery only.

2) put inside hospital drip.

3) Bring home, and spent remaining time with hiccup until his body can't take it anymore then put him down. 

After much discussion, we decided to bring hiccup home. We wanted hiccup to at least die at home, he wasn't happy in the hospital and looked pretty sad. When he was at the other clinic, the vet said he would stay up all night and dose off bit by bit but still trying to stay awake. I guess hiccup was just waiting for us to return. 

We brought hiccup home, immediately he was able to sleep and rest. 

At that point of time, we were all desperately trying to find a correct answer. A lot of people on social media recommended us Dr LY from ARC. But we came to realization that if hiccup has pancreas cancer. No matter how famous or skillful the doctor is, he won't be able to heal hiccup. 

Therefore we decided not to bring him over there despite nice people on Jack Russell Terrier Group was trying to give up slots for us in order to consult Dr Ly's fully loaded schedule. 

(taken on hiccup's death moment)

Hiccup was brought home and taken good care by me and my family for 10days, and on the 17th January 2016, Hiccup passed away peacefully on my sister's arms. 

The Struggle

- Although Hiccup passed away, life still have to go on, we are an average family just like anyone out there. Hiccup's medical bills were expensive. 

1st trip to the vet was $1600. 

2nd trip to the specialist was $500+

And lastly the cremation another $400. 

Over the years we had paid quite a sum of money for Hiccup. His broke his leg when he was 9 months old and that was $2000+ for surgery, consultation and hospitalization. 

Not to mention all those consultation to the vet when he was sick. 

As much as we want to help hiccup, reality was a bitch. 

- It was also a pain when you have to force feed him. He always struggle whenever we want to force feed him. He would hide or he would just totally not swallow anything. Sometimes he would vomit out immediately. It was really a painful to see him in this situation. 

- I was also prompted to make life changing options which was really tough to make. 

The Death

The morning that he passed away, as his owner I had a feeling throughout the night that he was not going to make it. I woke up a few times to check on him and he was still breathing. Even the night before it was weird. My mum told me that hiccup woke up and went to drink loads of water and when I came home he came and greet me for the final time and went to hide behind the sofa. Until about 10.30am when I was sitting at the dressing table preparing for my shoot. I (for god knows why) turned my back to look at him and saw him pee on the bed as he "sleeps". I immediately told my sister and she woke up. In just a few seconds I saw hiccup's expression, shocked and motionless that's when I shouted my sis and she immediately performed CPR on him. 

He came back with a very weak heart beat but he was still motionless. That's when I turned on the Buddha song and told my sister to stop because he was already gone.

The Animal Communicator 

We were engaged by Ezekiel, the founder of Animal Communications Singapore. He told us that hiccup whispered to him and he wanted to help him with his last wishes. Eze is a nice guy. He didn't charge us for anything just treating hiccup like his own. Helped us for the last 10 days, and told me what hiccup needed and wanted. Without him, I wouldn't have done what I did for the last 10 days. 

The Last 10 days of Hiccup

#hiccupoftheday that's what the hashtag that I created for my baby hiccup as I was counting his days. At some point of time My sister asked me to stop me counting down, but to me it was more of a fresh start to hiccup. 

We brought hiccup down to walk everyday at about 5-6pm. (That's when the sun is not too hot, the weather is not too cold) 

We made hiccup wear clothes, because he is scared of the cold and love wearing clothes. 

We brought him to west coast park for a day's trip, and Eze helped to groom him too. 

The last 10 days was tiring and life changing to me, but it was worth it because if not for the 10 days. I would've live my life now full of regrets. 

My Hiccup 

Hiccup was a beautiful and clever boy, always hyper active , wanting to bite every other living things except humans (he probably thinks that he is human too) He would provide us with unconditional love and was a very sensitive dog. He would pat us when we cry. He was also quite timid, always afraid of the thunder, and would cry sometimes in his sleep.

The Realization 

Upon Hiccup's passing, I came to realize that how sad and lonely he was for the past 5 years. He doesn't go out everyday. Probably walk only once every month (if he is lucky enough) most of the time he was just sleeping at home because nobody has time for him. 

I feel sad that I couldn't make up for him. All he wanted was love and attention from me but I failed to provide him either. 

To have a pet, it is of great responsibility. When I first gotten hiccup, I didn't take any of that as consideration, at that point of time It was just wanting a pet. Wanting a pet VS taking care of a pet is really 2 different things. Ever since child I wanted to have a dog, when I got it eventually, I couldn't provide enough time for him, and now he is gone.  

If you would like to see hiccup's photos you can follow his instagram i will try to upload a photo everyday!

Hope that you find this post meaningful and informative. 

P/s I miss you so much hiccup.